This is a love / tragic story featuring Fardeen Khan and Random Indian Actress #451 a.k.a ‘Random Chick’.
Today was an eventful day.
I stopped at CVO.
Yes, they still play the same movies, they played 15 years ago.
I saw a good 14 minutes of the film – PREM AGGAN.
Below is a neat description of all the please-kill-me-now visuals I saw.
PREM AGGAN is a story featuring
Fardeen and Random Chick were making out in an open field (the 100-percent-pure-90’s-version of making out).
The misty mountains and the beautiful valley was the perfect set up for their kinda-forced-making out session. They sang and danced to a ridiculous song that featured the word ‘Prem Aggan’ at least 7869 times.
Behind the bushes were two sets of girls belonging to different age groups, mainly age 7 and 25. They were witnessing the live make out session, while singing the chorus for this ridiculous song. The 25-year olds looked really passionate about this dancing / singing thing.
Fardeen and Random Chick were also dividing the song equally between their kisses and their terrible dance routine.
Until now, skies were clear but within seconds it started raining heavily.
Fardeen and Random Chick started a new dance routine which involved them dancing towards a conveniently placed creepy cottage.
The 25-year old dancing extras followed them while replicating the dance routine and getting wet in the rains.
Fardeen and Random Chick, pushed open the gates and danced their way into a creepy cottage, leaving the 25-year old extras outside.
Yet, the girls continued to dance and sing while staring at Fardeen and Random Chick.
Shirtless Fardeen was chilling on a white hammock when Random Chick walked in wearing very little clothes. She placed herself on the bed, in a rather awkward position.
She asked Fardeen for ‘woh haseen dard’….a dard that will have a long lasting impression on her. Very obediently, Shirtless Fardeen jumped on top of her as the camera quickly panned towards the FIRE PLACE. (Hey, it’s the 90’s)
Here, we get to see 45 seconds of flames doing it in every position. Their BURNING desire for each other made this scene very very HOT. Yes, all the puns were intended.
Shirtless Fardeen got up frantically. He had an epiphany.
He realised filling the spots, he had just filled was not enough.
He was yet to fill another spot – her MAANG.
This was not right. Random Chick agreed and said she was just testing him. I reckon Shirtless Fardeen passed the test with flying colours.
He looked out of the window, at the horizon, with a total of 0 expressions on his face.
A sweet looking sedan rammed into the gates of the convenient-creepy-cottage. I reckon it must have crushed the dancing girls standing outside.
A bald old man wearing a grey jacket over a black over-coat pushed the door open.
I don’t think any of the doors in this movie had any locks on them. Security was not a priority.
Bald Old Man, was Random Chick’s father. He saw his semi-nude daughter sleeping with Shirtless Fardeen.
Random Chick woke up promptly, displaying an ample amount of cleavage.
She looked sort of ashamed of being in this state in front of her father. This explains why she took a total of 6 seconds to cover her assets with her tiny hands.
Bald Old Man made a very moving / dramatic speech using the most fancy hindi words.
He threw his extra grey jacket at Random Chick, Shirtless Fardeen helped her put it on.
What followed was an even moving speech which spoke about the following things:
1. His daughter dragging the family name through the mud.
2. Calling her dirty names.
3. Calling Shirtless Fardeen an incompetent piece of shit but phrasing it differently.
4. Making non-threatening threats of beating Shirtless Fardeen up.
Shirtless Fardeen looked unmoved. But this was mainly due to the lack of expressions on his face.
Bald Old Man took Random Chick away and ordered his henchmen to give Shirtless Fardeen, ‘ek dard bhari maut’.
Yes. One-pony-tailed obnoxious Sr. Henchman and 4 Jr. Henchmen appeared out of thin air.
Shirtless Fardeen looked on, as they closed in on him with the most torturous laughter in the history of torturous laughter.
Shirtless Fardeen tried to punch him, but the Jr. Henchmen hit him in the head with a black dildo-like thing. Not once, but 7 times.
Pony-Tailed Obnoxious Sr. Henchman went on to sit on the hammock, while Shirtless Fardeen lay there, unconscious.
The 4 Jr. Henchmen continued with their torturous laughter.
This is when I switched to Star World and saw 2 episodes of Modern Family.
PS: If you read it till the very end, I sincerely thank you for wasting your time and reading something I wasted my time on.