Banno Weds Her Saxy Swagger

‘Tanu Weds Manu Returns’ is that one film everybody on social media has been raving about. I mean the raving has been more of a check-in based thing – ‘Watching this film at this theatre with these random people’ also, ‘Banno tera Swagger, laage saxy’.

I am happy everyone found Banno’s swagger really really sexy. I mean why not? If by her swagger they meant Banno’s toned figure and cleavage, then they totally make sense.

Tanu Weds Manu Returns is more like ‘Kangana’s cleavage Weds that double-chin-dude-whose-physique-keeps-fluctuating-at-will, RETURNS’.

Jokes apart, Kangana Ranaut is the clear winner. She shines yet again with a great nay brilliant performance, if you are ready to ignore the terrible english accent.
Yeah, WHY? WHY?

Let’s talk R Madhavan, who plays the actor with an identity crisis errr..Kangana’s husband.
Wait, X Husband.
No, wait…Husband.
No, I think he plays an almost divorced but…ah screw it.
If the makers took some effort in adding some sense into this plot, I wouldn’t be writting this.
Also guys, guys… he continues with his role as Farhan-nitrate from 3-Idiots by still eating free food at weddings. One of which was his own. Not sure if he was representing science this time around.

Let’s talk about the music, I think this film has one of the most controversial tracks of the decade. The major cause for this debate which spread everywhere right from the white house to my neighbour’s house was,  if the lyrics say Banno Tera SWAGGER or Banno Tera SWEATER. Yup, that happened.
The song became an istant hit only because people heard it a million times to guess that one word.
Even after a heated argument with some cotton puppets, silly politicians and a blue whale in the News Hour, Arnab Goswami coudn’t reach a conclusion. He ran out of air time and breath, due to all that screaming.
Rakhi Sawant said the song is FAKE. It’s just chitting people.

The world finally replaced the crucial question about #TheDress with the question of the hour what about #TheBanno is sexy?

Why did I stretch that joke so long?
It was to build the next one – The Second Half of the film.
It’s streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetched longer than the elastic on Anant Ambani’s pants. Get it? Fat
Ambani Boy? Neeta Volvo?

What were the writers and the directors smoking when they created this magnificent piece of art still remains an unsolved mystery!

I can’t emphasise on this point enough, but the second half moves at almost 2 songs per 10 minutes.

Writer: Sir, I can’t think of a good line.
Dir: It’s okay…just add another song.

In the last 20 mins the film roughly covers the plots of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai to, Jab We Met even Chak de India at times.

I was honestly waiting for Kangana to suddenly get into Sallu mode and dance to Saajan Ji Ghar Aaye.

The film has a song called, “Mat Jaa, Mat Jaa”…and a friend rightly pointed out, that is exactly what we would tell people who want to go watch Tanu Weds Manu Returns.

PS: Kangana Ranaut is a powerhouse. This film is nowhere near queen bit she adds fuel enough to take this film to the finishing line.

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